Day #23 of the power ranking push. I’ll be a man and admit that I’ve been lacking on the power rankings lately, Saturday night got a little away from me and then that lead to me being lazy. That can’t happen anymore and as a result of my neglect, I will be extending my power ranking 2 additional days. Now that that’s out of the way, today’s blog is brought to you by my return to the roller blading life (6 miles the last 2 days not to brag).
I know that it doesn’t really feel like it, but today is Cinco de Mayo. White people in America have no idea why they celebrate this day, but it’s at least a reason to drink and that’s good enough. Since today is Cinco de Mayo, I’m going to power rank Taco Bell’s value menu items. Taco Bell is great drunk/hungover food that you immediately regret 12 hours later, but that’s kinda their brand. I also really appreciate that Taco Bell has a value menu (really a dollar menu) because lots of fast food places have gone away from the traditional dollar menu and as a degenerate person, I respect Taco Bell.
Taco Bell loves to give extravagant names to very basic things, so their value menu is technically called the “cravings value menu”. Calling it the value cravings menu is a huge flex because not many people crave this cheap food. Items on the value cravings menu include, Beefy Fritos Burrito, Cheesy Roll Up, Cheesy Bean and Rice Burrito, Cinnamon Twists, Chipotle Chicken Grande Burrito, Loaded Taco Grande Burrito, Triple Layer Nachos, Spicy Tostada, Spicy Potato Soft Taco, Shredded Quesadilla Melt. Let’s ride.
10. Cheesy Roll Up – If you buy these at Taco Bell, wtf are you doing? Just make these at home like I do. They’re so damn easy to make, so why would you pay someone to make these? Unreal that Taco Bell still has these on the menu. Please stop buying these.
9. Spicy Tostada – Cool name. Shittier thing to eat. I once bought this because the name made it sound cool, so credit to Taco Bell for fooling me. That stupid big tortilla chip-thing fell apart on the first bite. Do not get this ever.
8. Cheesy Bean and Rice Burrito – I apologize to any vegans out there, but this guy is damn near useless. Shoot me if I ever walk into a Taco Bell and order one of these guys because there is no point to eating one of these. The amount of bean that ends up in here is disgusting.
7. Triple Layer Nachos – Basically just chips and cheese with a little taco sauce except the Taco Bell employee gets to decide where and how much cheese you get. Sounds like a rip off to me because there’s no way Jeff from Taco Bell is going to do it how I like it.
6. Cinnamon Twists – These are pretty tight. They taste good and are a sugary cousin to pork rinds. It’s hard to say bad things about cinnamon twists but I have also said all the good things I can think of.
5. Chipotle Chicken Grande Burrito – Great example of the Taco Bell execs making a very average item sound life altering. Chipotle and Grande in the same name was genius because I have tried this many times on the hope of it tasting better. This is really the perfect guy to sit at #5.
4. Loaded Taco Grande Burrito – Another T-Bell creation of average food and a great name. Loaded and Grande in the same sentence? I haven’t heard that since Jose Valverde was closing for the Tigers. You order It based upon the hype the name generates only to find out it literally is just a taco in shitty burrito form.
3. Spicy Potato Soft Taco – I gave this guy a try during lent a few years ago and fell in love. Perfectly fried potato chunks, classic taco fixings topped with spicy goodness, was enough to earn a top 3 spot. It’s a very basic item but where else can you find something like this?? You need to try this at least once.
2. Shredded Chicken Quesadilla Melt – Love that they added that the chicken is shredded so they can hide the overall quality of the chicken. Also adding word “melt” is another savvy move because it sounds much more graceful. In reality, Jeff in the back does not give 2 shits about the quality of your melt. Overall, these don’t taste that bad considering you are at Taco Bell after all.
1. Beefy Fritos Burrito – This is the old reliable pick because it is so hard to mess up. All you have to do is put cheese, beef, rice and Fritos in a shell. no Jeff in the back can mess this up. I’m not even kidding when I say that I could eat 5 of these in 1 sitting. Last thing, do any other items on this list come with Fritos in them? Didn’t think so.
Comments