I am a super average fantasy football player and I will be the first to admit that. But I do think that people should keep in mind that we are in the midst of a global pandemic and some things are bigger than fantasy football.
Anyway, I’ve won 2 games this season after reaching the league championship just a year ago. This fall from grace has been tough because this league in particular is full of degenerate adults ranging from age 23 to old as shit (sorry Doug) and they talk all that shit. Since I suck this year, I will be lashing out and power ranking the teams based upon their team names.
Out of respect for my competitors I won’t be publicly saying their names when mentioning teams because they might actually give a shit about their professional careers. For example, I won’t name the local Spanish teacher who left this league because a $50 buy in was “too much”.
10. A A - Somehow I lost to this guy in the championship last year, so I think that says a lot about me. I mean is this supposed to be an Alcoholics Anonymous joke or just the most uncreative man alive?
9. Krafts Massage Experts - Congrats on being 10-0 but this is a joke that kids in Algebra 2 would make. I know you teach those kids but come on man, those charges were dropped. Plenty of other dumb NFL guys to make jokes about.
8. Niner Niner - This feels like it’s supposed to be a 69 joke but someone’s wife won’t let him pull the trigger and change his team name.
7. Dumbs dumbs - Perhaps the most socially aware name on the list. Here we see a man who will limp into the playoffs just because someone from the back 9 has to make the playoffs.
6. He Wasn’t READY!!!!! - There’s an inside joke here that I really don’t care to be a part of. This name should be lower but the captain Andrew Luck pic is worth some points.
5. Fore Play - Did you really think I wasn’t going to put myself in the top 5? This is a fantasy league that is built around a golf league so it plays. Hold the chirps about me and fore play because your fiancees, wifes and girlfriends seem fine with it,
4. Turn Your Head and Goff - Just some good old school men's health humor. Bonus points because Jared Goff is even rostered. Well done.
3. Lettin Lou’ Out - Real ones know about how badass this thicc ass dog is. If you’re going to do an inside joke, this is how you do it. Congrats on getting married too.
2. Dillion Panthers - Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can’t lose. Even though he has made some of the most head scratching trades in league history, the name delivers. Plus this is a Spanish teacher that can handle the $50 buy in.
1. Smyrna Bar Rats - Everyone of us in this league has a good Smyrna Bar memory and could be labeled as a bar rat. The troughs and Canada house might be gone but memories won’t fade for this guy until the CTE kicks in at age 35. Atta boy.
Congrats to the teams in the playoff picture, spend my money well when you win it. If you're at the bottom of this list, is change your name to the East Dillon Lions and you're immediately up to #6 in the rankings. See y’all at the golf course soon.
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