Let's just say that hypothetically I was on a NBA roster playing for the Sacramento Kings and I was currently in the NBA bubble quarantining with my teammates, getting ready to lock down a playoff spot. There's nothing else to do so I hop on Twitter and see this tweet from fellow NBA hooper, Kelly Oubre:
Instantly, I think to myself "Yooooooo, screw this food that is being provided to me at no cost. I'd rather order food made by someone making minimum wage and then have it delivered by someone making even less money."
Since Oubre mentioned Postmates, I go right to that website and pop in my location to see what is available near me.
A few things immediately jump out to me.
They do deliver to EPCOT, so the dream is still alive.
30 days of free unlimited delivery??? LFG.
I simply could not smash the sign up button any quicker. Once the sign up process is done, it's time to start picking out food. Additionally, no chance I support local joints. I want those big chain places because they clearly have been hit the hardest in 2020.
As I scroll endlessly through my options, I give a full belly laugh to their standard $2.99 delivery fee, as I still have 30 days of not having to pay that.
I'm hungry and it's time to get serious about what I'm treating myself to. So here is my list of foods / drinks to have Postmates deliver to me in the NBA bubble in the EPCOT area.
Macaron's from Le Macaron
$37 for 12 of these is the easiest decision I could possibly make. French people got crepes, fries and macarons right. With no delivery fee, it's like the 12th macaron is on the house!
King Crab from Joe's Crab Shack Firm, sweet and hearty. Served with Corn and potatoes at only $46.56?? This might be biggest steal on crab legs in Florida since Jamies Winston was around.
Made-From-Scratch Yeast Rolls from Logan's Roadhouse
Only spending $4.38 on 12 of these buttery little babes is a no brainer. Saw that all of the West Michigan locations have closed so this order is for the boys and girls in the 616.
Naked Wings from Hooters
Could there be a more appropriately named entree from this place? If lacked integrity, I would order the chicken breast, minus the chicken. But since I DO have integrity, I guess I can settle for the next best thing. Besides, since the $2.99 delivery fee is waved, $59.99 for 50 wings is a bargain.
Slurpee from 7-Eleven
If y'll didn't think that I wasn't going to pull the trigger on a Slurpee, ya got another thing coming. Easiest $1.29 I've ever spent.
Grand Slam Pack from Denny's
Grand slam is my favorite word in baseball AND breakfast. You can't beat 8 buttermilk pancakes, 8 scrambled eggs, 4 bacon strips, 4 sausage links and hash browns for under $30. Everyone in America knows that when you think of breakfast joints in the south, Denny's is the first place that comes to mind.
Classic Cheeseburger from Perkins Restaurant & Bakery
Perkins is obviously known for their burgers which is why I'm willing to indulge in some American goodness for the reasonable price of $10.49. Just look at this guy, it's the closet we'll ever get to a real life krabby patty.
Baja Blast from Taco Bell
You just can't find this stuff anywhere in EPCOT. I would do so much more than just break quarantine to get some of this. Plus have I mentioned that the $2.99 delivery fee is covered for my first month?
Crispy Colonel Sandwich from KFC
When everyone and their bother were at odds over the Popeyes chicken sandwich and the Chick Fil A chicken sandwich, I enjoyed the short drive thru lines at KFC. And only having to spend $5.75 on a chicken sandwich is a super good deal!
Oreo McFlurry from McDonald's
This might be the riskiest item that I'm willing to break my quarantine for because the machine breaks down every 5 minutes. But as they say "when in EPCOT's Rome, do as the Florida locals do and make bad decisions".
Again this is all hypothetical of course.
There's just no way that a rich 20-something year old is going to break any rules. Simply wouldn't ever happen.
In what some are calling the biggest surprise ever, this really happened. Just typing that even hurt me.
I have literally never heard of this dude. Richaun Holmes means nothing to me but god dammit does food mean something to him. An NBA player breaking quarantine is actually believable, what's wild to me is that this guy is almost making $10 mil. May the athletes who think rules don't apply to them live for ever.
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