Day #12 of the power ranking push and today’s blog is brought to you again by 2 cups of coffee. Like a lot of people, I miss sports. As a guy in the heart of Big 10 country I really miss college sports and all the pageantry that comes in the conference. Naturally I decided that it would be best to power rank the mascots in the Big 10, because who doesn’t love mascots??
Mascots in contention, Brutus Buckeye, Buckey Badger, Goldy Gopher, Herky the Hawk, Herbie Husker, Nittany Lion, Purdue Pete, Scarlet Knight, Sparty, Testudo, Willie the Wildcat.
11. Brutus Buckeye – It was super easy to rank Brutus last because he’s affiliated with Ohio State and because he’s a nut. I’m all for unique nicknames but this is a very bad mascot rendition of a nickname. Brutus has zero intimidation that comes with him too. Just a big dumb mascot nut.
10. Willie the Wildcat – Willie the Wildcat looks a like Wal-Mart version of Tom from Tom and Jerry. Nobody looks at Willie and wants to get hype, he’s just a wanna be cartoon cat. In Willie’s defense it is hard to get super hype when you represent a school full of Darren Rovells.
9. Testudo – A badass name for a lack luster mascot, granted it is hard to make a turtle look badass. Some people say that Maryland has yet to really earn their status as a Big 10 school and I believe that to be still true. If Maryland becomes a school with a live mascot and brings an actual turtle to games, we might be looking at a top 5 mascot and a legit Big 10 school.
8. Purdue Pete – This giant man child is creepy as hell. Purdue Pete is always seen wearing a hard hat which is fine but the huge mallet thingy that he carries seems problematic. People wonder why Purdue athletics constantly struggle; well it’s got to be because the man-child Purdue Pete is too smug and never respects opponents.
7. Nittany Lion – When Penn State officials met to decide on a school mascot they must’ve said “how can we make our mascot the biggest simp of all time” because they nailed it. Instead of Blood Tigers or something cool they went with Nittany Lions and gave him a scarf to wear. The Penn State mascot looks like he’s married to Carole Baskin.
6. Scarlet Knight – The Scarlet Knight wishes that he could be a Spartan, but he has nowhere near the pedigree or training for it. If Maryland still waiting to join the Big 10, Rutgers isn’t even waiting in the right line. The Scarlet Knight looks like Podrick from Game of Thrones was given a Knight’s helmet and told to go into war.
5. Goldy Gopher – It might seem crazy to think of Goldy Gopher as a top 5 mascot but that’s reality. Goldy is an iconic look in in the Big 10 and he doesn’t try to be someone that he’s not. Would I want Goldy to be my only backup in a bar fight? Hell no. But he’s a good glue guy, can really hold together the continuity of the Big 10. Plus, he’s allegedly cousins with Alvin and the Chipmunks.
4. Herbie Husker – The most blue-collar mascot in the history of mascots. Herbie punches in early and stays late, every single day of the week. When he’s no husking corn or doing other farm stuff he’s at Nebraska athletic contests. I live in a rural part of Michigan so I’m familiar with guys like Herbie. They can drink a lot, fight super well and are stronger than hell too. I rock with Herbie Husker and he gets bonus points because Nebraska hired a basketball coach that looks just like him.
3. Bucky Badger – Badgers are on the short list of animals I don’t want to mess with, and Bucky is a Big reason why. People go nuts for the Honey Badger but perhaps people give the regular badger some respect. After all, they are the king of crushing losses when they matter the most. In all seriousness though Bucky Badger absolutely destroys guys like Goldy Gopher.
2. Herky the Hawk – Herky the Hawk literally translates to “will claw eye balls out without thinking twice”. Not the biggest fan of the Hawkeyes but I can acknowledge that he could so some damage in a street fight. Remarkably the only bird mascot in the Big 10 does not disappoint.
1. Sparty – I would follow Sparty into battle any day of the week, just look at the guy and tell me he’s not an ideal leader. This guy is first team all biceps, cranks out push-ups all the time and can always get the crowd hype. His very defined jaw line is something that the ladies dream of and the face he makes is gracious in defeat or win. Also, the brand recognition that he has just with the name Sparty is unreal. A real-life mascot super star.
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